At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
