Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
