Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
