Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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