he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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