Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
