I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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