naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Found the puke drawer
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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