no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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