i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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