We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
