I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
