dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
