how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
