You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
