This is not my ceiling
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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