they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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