I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
