I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
