I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
