guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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