No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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