so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
