You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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