He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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