I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
