I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
