I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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