I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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