I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
