So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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