You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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