Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
