I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
