I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
