my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
