You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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