I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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