What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
