check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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