Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
