I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
