Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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