A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
