Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
