I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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