Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
