I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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