My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
