Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
