By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
