i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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