i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
