why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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