you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
