Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
