so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
