R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
