Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
