I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
