Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
