I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I deserve this hangover.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
