drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
