are you still at the devil's house?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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