i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
