i think my tv is drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
