Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
