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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund

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• (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?

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