You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
